© 2002 - 2004 www.thesciencist.org
The Sciencist
A peer-reviewed journal of
scientific discovery
|
|
Vegetarianism:
The Vegilent Imperative
Kohle Torgenson
Over the course
of recent history, two seemingly unrelated trends
have gained favour within Western culture: vegetarianism
and gun-related violence. These two disturbing
social blights can be identified through a comparison
of temporal phenomenological incidents and their
respective increase in magnitude. This valuable
study exposes the intrinsic motivation of vegetarians
to possess firearms and comes at a time when society
is capable of affecting a change in the course
of history by limiting crimes of vegilence.
[This
paper is also available in PDF format]
Introduction
As Western culture evolves, it
shows evidence of becoming more violent (Heidt,
1993). Residents of North America have expressed
concern that children are more inclined to acts
of violence, and show alarming levels of desensitisation
to violent crime (Morden, 1997). This paper addresses
the trend of increased gun-violence by correlating
it to its root cause: vegetarianism. The evidence
for this trend is evaluated and suggestions are
made to stem the tide of ballistic violence.
The nature of this study requires
a thorough understanding of the origins of vegetarianism
and the explosive phenomenon of gun-related violence.
The Almanac of Olde Gunnes (1854) proves to be the
most extensive resource for the history of firearm
violence. According to the Almanac, the relative
silence of firearm-derived violence was broken in
the Western world around the middle of the fifteenth
century. This period heralded the beginning of western
black powder violence, as trade routes with the
Orient were being established. In the early 1980s,
Heidt (1993), using advanced algorithms, reported
through his research in the emerging area of post-microcausal
interpolation that gun-related violence has since
then increased in frequency at an alarming rate
(Figure 1). Heidt’s enlightening investigation
quickly became the subject of much political scrutiny
(Government, 1989), yet his findings proved accurate
despite the government’s attempts to prove
otherwise in order to justify the lawful sale and
taxation of firearms.
In a seemingly unrelated study
(Unrelated Study, 1972), it was exposed that vegetarianism
likewise made its first foray toward acceptance
during the fifteenth century with the introduction
of Chinese tofu into the Western diet. Tofu sales
and consumption have since been correlated reliably
with vegetarianism in Western cultures (Food Calculations,
1985). It is clear that the popularity of tofu—a
chief meat substitute—has risen significantly
since the mid-fifteenth century, and along with
it, a cult-like following of herbivorous dietary
lifestyles has developed (Figure 2).
A correlation study (Correlation
Study) was conducted in 1999 between the above noted
vegetarian cultural trend of tofu sales and gun-related
violence. The conclusive mathematical similarity
between the upsurgence of gun-related violence,
and vegetarianism is both convincing and startling.
The next level of investigation
into violence perpetrated by vegetarians, or vegilence
(OFCE Newsletter, 2001), reflected on the brutality
and apparent reckless abandon that so often categorises
vegilent behaviour. It was determined through random
sampling of three (Strømmen, in press) violent
crime case reports (Public Documents, 1901–1996),
that the vast majority of wound patterns described
seemed nonsensical given common mammalian morphology
(Figure 3). Evidently, trends toward gunshot wounds
to the legs, feet and groin indicate intent to kill,
with a poor understanding of human physiological
systems. Metacalcunostics explains that the concentration
of gun shot wounds clearly indicates a pattern of
herbicidal malevolence. The Vegetation Protection
Agency (VPA) notes that “…57.34% of
terrestrial plants and fungi would be mortally wounded
by gunshot wounds of 12-gauge shots located anywhere
below the medial branches” (VPA, 1985, p.
16). This tendency to ‘shoot from, or below,
the hip’ supports the Vegilent Imperative.
This overwhelming sequence of
“coincidences” sets the stage for the
following causation study that conclusively exposes
the base desire of vegetarians to possess loaded,
functioning firearms in socially-unbiased environments.
Method
It was necessary to establish
a procedure that would test the true intent of human
action within a vacuum of social pressure (Livenburg,
1955). This study utilises a single blind test,
in which three subjects, (Strømmen, in press),
one vegan, one lacto-ovo-vegetarian and one fruitarian,
were blindfolded and exposed to varying stimuli.
Surgical grade blindfolds were used and subjects
were placed a distance of 2 metres away from three
objects of varying potential for desire: a chicken
kebab, a cube of tofu and a loaded gun. To accommodate
the necessary social conditions outlined earlier,
all subjects’ senses were suppressed. In doing
so, subjects would exclusively employ their unbiased
base-desire as the single stimulus for choosing
one of the three aforementioned objects. To this
end, each object was modified to have a consistent
mass of 457 g, to eliminate the attractive effect
of gravitation (Burdenko, 2003). Similarly each
object was charged to have a magnetic attraction
of less than 0.3 mN at a range of 10 cm. The objects
were arranged in alphabetical order, such that the
chicken and the tofu were at 30º angles from the
median line of the subject (Figure 4). The objects
were also sprayed with 27 ml of the aromatic compound
Benzene (45% solution), to remove any olfactory
stimulus that could influence or increase the social
pressure to choose one item over the other. Subjects
were documented as to which object they chose to
move towards, as a measure of their socially-unbiased
base desire. The results of this study are shown
in Table 1.
Results
In the case of vegetarian unbiased-base
desire testing, the vegetarian subjects were placed
at a distance of 2 metres from three objects. Each
subject was asked to select one object a total of
three times over three separate trials (Strømmen,
in press). In one hundred percent of trials, the
vegan, the lacto-ovo-vegetarian and the fruitarian
selected the handgun. Interestingly, each subject
expressed shame and anger when they discovered that
they desired firearms.
Conclusions
With overwhelming evidential support
for the vegetarian desire for guns coupled with
the clear correlation of firearm-related violence
to vegetarianism, it is surprising that vegetarians
worldwide claim innocence when confronted with the
inherent culpability that is associated with vegilence.
The common argument is that vegetarians,
by and large, do not own firearms (Almethyst, 1988),
which according to arguments presented in the literature,
absolves vegetarians from any acts of violence perpetrated
in conjunction with guns. This argument is hollow
and flies in the face of logic, not to mention empirical
data evaluated by this study (Torgenson, 2003).
It has been well documented by reliable researchers
(Reliable Researchers, 1985) that violent crimes
are primarily perpetrated by unregistered firearms,
which by definition are owned, or “possessed,”
by individuals or organizations who gain social
advantage by maintaining a “firearmless”
image (Greater Upper California Vegetarian Registry,
1989). Naturally, productive law abiding people
who register guns—hunters, law enforcement
professionals, and meat-eaters in general—have
nothing to gain from crimes committed with firearms,
as they would clearly be suspect of such crimes
due to the stigma of gun ownership. Yet, it is clear
that the affinity of vegetarians for firearms makes
this segment of society ripe for acts of vegilence.
All evidence points the bloody
finger of gun-related crime back at vegetarians.
Clearly there are many layers of evidence (Circumstance,
2001) that need to be investigated prior to the
resolution of this social trend. It seems unlikely
this will be investigated directly, given the dangerous
concentration of vegetarian “strongholds”
focused along the southwestern seaboard. The potential
violence directed towards researchers required to
investigate such hostile factions would be high.
A clear mandate (Torgenson, 2003)
has been established to reduce the prevalent trend
towards vegilence. The obvious direction to amend
constitutions the world over, in hopes of eliminating
vegetarianism, seems somewhat premature. It is this
researcher’s opinion that carnivorous education
is key in the current struggle, and such education
must begin at an early age in order to stem the
tide of vegilence. Further research (Torgenson,
future) establishes grounds to experiment in mandatory
gun registration. It is also clear that concentrated
regions of unregistered firearms would become relatively
less dangerous by increasing the number of registered
firearms. This could be easily achieved by government
funded ‘registered gun lotteries,’ where
registered guns would be subsidized. These actions
would reduce acts of vegilence by decreasing the
overall concentration of unregistered firearms,
thereby increasing the safety of peaceful carnivores,
and to a lesser extent, omnivores.
References
Almanac of Olde Gunnes. (1854).
United States of America.
Almethyst, Q. (1988). Vegetarianism and the
extremely modern primate. Winnipeg, Canada:
HemPress.
Burdenko, D. (2003). Infantile magnetic attraction
and repulsion: Clinical trials in the field of infant
psycho-gravitation. Saskatoon, Canada: The
Sciencist.
Correlation Study. (1999). Dubai, United Arab Emirates.
Circumstance. (2001). Freetown, Sierra Leone.
Food Calculations. (1985). Urdek, Turkmenistan.
Government Records. (1989). Dutchland.
Greater Upper California Vegetarian Registry. (1989).
Santa Cruz, CA: Registrarium.
Heidt, G. (1993). A post-microcausal interpolation
of gun related crime. Current Mathematical Currents,
26(3), 66–75.
Livenburg, Q. (1955). Id and human behaviour:
Understanding the human mind. Berlin, West
Germany: Bundesrat Press.
Morden, Q. (1997). Violence in modern youth. Childhood
Trends, 12(2), 119–124.
OFCE Newsletter. (2001). San Francisco, CA: OFCE.
Public Documents. (1901-1996). Québec, Canada.
Reliable Researchers. (1985). Calgary, Canada.
Researchers. (1978). Plovdiv, Belgium.
Strømmen, J. (in press). The rule of
three: A technical application of the new math.
Saskatoon, Canada: The Sciencist.
Torgenson, K. (2003). Vegetarianism: The vegilent
imperative. Saskatoon, Canada: The Sciencist.
Torgenson, K. (future). Something to do with
registering and owning guns by non-vegetarians.
Saskatoon, Canada: The Sciencist.
Unrelated Study. (1972). Helsinki, Finland.
Vegetation Protection Agency. (1985). Newsletter.
Toledo, OH: VPA Press.
|
|
