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PAPERS – Volume 1: Issue 2
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Issue
2: Apr. - June 2003
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Issue
3: July - Sep. 2004
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Issue
4: Oct. - Dec. 2004
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April 15, 2003
Fecal Deposition and Cognitive
Acuity: A Correlation
Study
Kohle Torgenson
The modern understanding of
learning and cognitive action is used to develop
a sound causal relationship between fecal deposition
and intellectual acuity. This random study of
45 male participants of average IQ and foot pressure
clearly establishes a connection between fecal
deposition and cognition.
20030415.pdf
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May
1, 2003
The Rule of Three: A
Technical Application of the New Math
Jakob Strømmen
Much has been written about
choosing a sufficient sample size for scientific
experiments. Indeed, it is a common misconception
in the “scientific” community that
large sample sizes are important. This paper presents
groundbreaking research that flatly contradicts
this absurd notion. Using solid principles of
probability and statistics I will prove that as
a sample size increases, the chance of confronting
an anomaly grows prohibitively large. Such an
anomaly would clearly invalidate any results obtained
from an experiment. Furthermore, I will show that
the maximum allowable sample size must be three.
20030501.pdf
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May
15, 2003
Chemical Analysis of the Sexual
Potential of Homo digitus
Kohle Torgenson
The production of the human
pheromone androstenol is measured in three subjects
by performing six different activities in order
to assess the sexual attraction of Homo digitus.
The resulting data establishes a curious juxtaposition
between the measured chemo-sexual attraction potential
of Homo digitus and the apparent sexual
activity of this recently discovered Star Trek
astute species.
20030515.pdf
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June
1, 2003
Applied Research in the Field
of Quantum Ichthyoastronometric-Dynamics: Crenimugil
labrosus and the Space-Time Continuum
Danylo Burdenko
The purpose of this paper is
to explore the effects of prosthetics and wigs
on fish swimming patterns in outer space (that
is, “terrestrial” fish brought into
outer space, not those found there). Experiments
were performed with the assistance of three grey
mullet (Crenimugil labrosus) of average
adult belly surface pressure (3.0–3.5 kPa).
Fish were observed for a period of 5 seconds and
swimming patterns recorded. Analysis proves the
propensity of grey mullet to possibly bridge the
space-time continuum under certain circumstances.
20030601.pdf
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