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PREVIOUS RESEARCH PAPERS – Volume 1: Issue 3

Volume 1
Issue 1: Jan. - Mar. 2003 Issue 2: Apr. - June 2003 Issue 3: July - Sep. 2003 Issue 4: Oct. - Dec. 2003

 

Volume 2
Issue 1: Jan. - Mar. 2004 Issue 2: Apr. - June 2004 Issue 3: July - Sep. 2004 Issue 4: Oct. - Dec. 2004

July 1, 2003

Risk Aversion through Gonad Constraint

Sergei Rzhechnyik

This study examines the causal relationship between testicular restriction and the propensity of human males to take risk. Three males in varying states of scrotal comfort are observed as they react to predetermined stimuli in a high-stakes environment. The potential military applications of this study’s findings are also taken into consideration.

Supplement: Armenian science-minded professionals have recently developed a "Gonad Constraint Assessment Diagnostic" to aid in the increasingly popular field of risk management.

20030701.pdf   [156k]  Full Version

20030701.html  [18k]  Text Only Version

20030701.mp3  [2.2mb]  MP3 Version for the Visually-Impaired and/or Illiterate

N.B.: If you experience any difficulties understanding this article, please adjust the volume accordingly.

 

July 15, 2003

Ær Sepsis Noctus: The New Black Death

Danylo Burdenko

This study examines the nature of nighttime death. It pulls from a variety of international statistical sources to construct a concatenated view of modern death, and its principal cause: septic nighttime air (known to the world as ær sepsis noctus or dark air). Trials were performed using common yellow canaries (Serinus canaria) exposed to presumed concentrations of dark air at various altitudes. Results prove the existence of dark air.

20030715.pdf   [156k]  Full Version

20030715.html  [18k]  Text Only Version

 

August 15, 2003

The Ugly Tree: Prunus turpis

Kohle Torgenson

Confirmation of the transmogrifying effects of Prunus turpis, more commonly known as the ugly tree, is established in a Y-axial acceleration and deceleration test. This study, which flies in the face of common perceptions of a benevolent mother nature, will pave the way for further investigation into trauma caused by Prunus turpis and other lesser floral malcontents.

20030815.pdf   [140k]  Full Version

20030815.html  [17k]  Text Only Version

 

September 15, 2003

Horse Equals Mass Times Acceleration

Danylo Burdenko

The reclamation of a hitherto lost scientific discovery is considered and mathematical tests confirm the reasonability of the suggestion that horse is equal to mass times acceleration. Implications for other mass and acceleration derived formulae are considered.

20030915.pdf   [292k]  Full Version

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