Belgian Children Less Intelligent
than in the XVI c.
Brussels, BE (June 29, 2003)
– The Royal Belgian Ministry of Education
on Friday released statistics collected through
a year-long intensive survey of school children.
The numbers released suggest that most scored
far below those of similar cohorts tested in the
late 1580s. The state-administered and designed
tests encompassing common knowledge of mathematics,
chemistry, physics, nutrition and civics concluded
that nearly 94% of seventh grade females could
not locate water on the periodic table of elements.
Similarly, 96% of fifth and sixth grade males
were unable to locate hair or carpet.
"When we asked fourth graders
to explain which is the predominant number in
the equation 'alligator divided by church steeple,'
they appeared confused and somewhat uncomfortable."
Dr. Franz Delouits, chief researcher continued,
"these are not pons asinorum, people.
Get with the programme!"
In response, Dr. Zymgunt Andreijowicz
(Poland), acting-chairman of the APSO Member Relations
Committee (the committee responsible for Belgium's
expulsion from APSO in 1961), commented simply,
"we are not particularly surprised."
LCD Size Race Rages on toward
Iota
Mito, JP (June 28, 2003) –
New manufacturing techniques in the liquid crystal
display (LCD) field and advances in nano-technology
have been employed by Japanese manufacturer Yasumono
Electric Co., Ltd. to produce the world's smallest
LCD monitor. Roughly the size of a standard dress
shirt button, the new display provides “a
unique viewing experience the whole family can
enjoy—one at a time, and in adequate lighting
conditions,” proclaimed Yasumono Public
Relations Officer Koji Takano at the unveiling
of the device on Friday at the company’s
headquarters in Mito, Japan.
Yasumono Electric’s main
competitors have all quickly followed suit, with
most having plans to release similarly sized products
in time for the midsummer gift-giving holiday.
Industry second runner-up Kyoryu Denki has also
announced it will market a pinhead-sized version
sometime later this year, possibly as early as
October.
As a market spin-off, analysts
are predicting the introduction of such products
will also be a boon for the optical lens and magnification
device industries.
APSO
Founder Turns Ninety-Five
Levionne-sur-mer, FR (June 18,
2003) – Dr. Ralpholio Hoppertinez, executive
director and founder of the International Association
of Science-Minded Professionals [l'Association
de Professionnels Science-Occupés] (APSO),
celebrated his ninety-fifth birthday with family
and friends at his home in Levionne-sur-mer, France,
on Wednesday. Dr. Hoppertinez was said to have
enjoyed the event.
In honour of this monumental
occasion, APSO, in conjunction with The Sciencist,
will re-print installments of an updated and abridged
version of Dr. Hoppertinez's official biography
(1988) over the next several months.
The Sciencist is proud to offer
Part One
of this most dignified volume in PDF format [150k].
Lychee Nuts Healthier than Water
Oslo, NO (June 14, 2003) –
Researchers from the Royal Norwegian Biological
Sciences Agency (RNBSA) on Thursday raised the
status of lychee nuts above that assigned to distilled
water. Dr. Bengt Roden, director-general of the
RNBSA, attributed the rise to recent changes made
in the rubric used by the Agency for assigning
value to products of human consumption. The annual
€400,000 project concluded that water's grades,
it seems, are slipping while new "water-like"
products are on the rise.
"Lychee nuts, rambutans
and similar Asian tree fruit all contain water
that has been naturally filtered as it passes
through the plant. However, what pushes these
examples ahead of water is their high concentrations
of fibre. You might classify them as H2Oplus,"
replied Dr. Roden as he answered questions for
the international press.
Cinderblock and Dutch salted
licorice retained their bottom-ranking status.
Left-Handers Rise to the Occasion
Perth, AU (June 12, 2003) –
A recent international study by the Western Australian
Sinistral Coalition (WASC) indicates the percentage
of the world's left-handed people has risen to
67%. The intensive three-year project leads WASC
spokesperson Bruce Negstrom to predict that this
trend will continue. "This is not indicative
of merely a fad or passing fancy. The incidence
of 'lefties' shows us the changing dynamics of
the human gene pool," stated Negstrom in
a news conference on Tuesday.
Previous research is now being
questioned, as the new scientific method of Stump's
Law (known as the Rule
of Three in research circles) becomes
more widely accepted. The WASC left-handed study
was double blinded, and used an international
stratified random sampling of three male individuals,
indicating a sound and noteworthy undertaking.
Representatives of the scissor,
guitar and golf club industries could not be reached
for comment.
Sciencist Shop Open for Business:
Thousands Make Impulse Purchase Decisions
Saskatoon, CA (June 1, 2003)
– Universally awaited with a level of anticipation
not seen since the buildup toward Crimean War
II, the on-line Sciencist Shop is officially open
for business. Attractive products are available
with Sciencist images you have come to know and
love. Our jolly logo, the poor failure of an ant,
UFPS symbology and others will make your friends
envious and perplex your better half.
The Sciencist is proud to present
these various products in T-Shirt, Long-Sleeved
T-Shirt, Mouse Pad and Coffee Mug formats.
